Slow Replies Don’t Also Need Apologies

Last week, a friend of mine shared a personal newsletter announcing his engagement. I wanted to wish him and his new fiancee a congratulations, but after a few days of limited work time, my inbox backed up and I had forgotten.

So about a week later, I sent a reply and started with “Sorry for the slow–“
wait.
Why am I sorry?
He wasn’t even expecting a response. It was just a work instinct.

We all do this.
We apologize for not being more available, not being fast enough to reply. As if there’s some sort of standard agreement between all humans that we need to be available to each other and responsive as soon as we get an email.

But there’s not an agreement.
It’s just an expectation– unspoken and assumed.

Every apology reinforces the unhealthy expectation that we need to be checking our inboxes constantly forever.

So let’s stop apologizing.
Let’s agree that your email does not need to be my emergency. Let’s agree that urgency can be determined by the receiver and if we need something from each other, we can be a little more patient with each other.

Let’s agree to stop apologizing for being “slow.”

Email is not our job. We’re all trying to live our lives and trying to do our actual work– writing, designing, coding, strategizing, managing. Email is something that can actually get in the way of that.

So every time we apologize for a late reply, we reinforce that the sender is more important than us, our work, and our lives.

Instead, let’s make our expectations into an agreement– we will not be in our inbox all day.

Take the time you need.

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Caveday is a company aimed at improving your relationship to work. We write regular posts on Medium and send out monthly newsletters with productivity tips, life hacks, and recommendations. Sign up for the mailing list here.

Jake Kahana is a cofounder of Caveday. Sign up for his personal emails, called “The Email Refrigerator” here.